Show #29: Fireside Bowl, Chicago

We had taken quite a while off before this show — about 2 months. We had very many new songs and after a bit of revising, we ended up deleting the only two old songs in the set. We opened with ‘Broken Ties’ and went into ‘Show Me Your Gun’ by Straight Faced. I had been lifting weights and skating every night for two weeks before this and it definitely paid off. I barely sweat and didn’t get totally exhausted. I was very nervous before hand and was standing on stage waiting to get the OK to start from the sound person. (Who by the way was a bitch. I tried to be as friendly as possible before the show and she was outright mean.) For some reason, she left my mic on. Bad move on her part. She probably should have cut me off at some point, but I started talking to the small crowd and the Hilger whispered for me to ‘start ranting’. So I started to dis Mc Donalds and the people that eat it. A bunch of the other bands were feeding their faced before the show. I always play shows after not eating anything the whole day, much less McDonalds 10 minutes before I play. I would probably shit in my pants. Everyone was kind of shocked as usual and just stayed quiet. The Dorks were set to play second. I saw them years ago open for 88 Finger Louie or the Bollwevils and they were a 3 piece with a singing drummer and they sucked. Now they had 2 guitars and I’ll bet they still sucked but I left anyways. I was told that Screeching Weasel was going to come out and use the headlining bands equipment (the Jackie Papers, on Panic Button Records, owned by Ben Weasel) and play 5 new songs. I hate sticking around after I play and even if the Beatles was coming on I would have left anyways. It might have been bullshit anyways. Guess I’ll never know now.

Show #28: Fireside Bowl, Chicago

We played this show with Whippersnapper who is famous for their cover of the National Lampoon’s Vacation theme song, “Holiday Road” which appears on the Fearless Records compilation Punk Bites II. We were excited to be playing with a band of this caliber and we basically got the show considering that this was our 7th time and we must have impressed Brian (who books the shows). I cannot remember the name of the first band. The bass player and guitarist switched a few times and the whole band was awful. The singer had a broken arm and they played a mix of shitty pop punk, shitty ska and just shit in general. I started yelling shit and they just looked terrible. At one point I yelled in between songs during a silence, “Feeling a bit nervous?” That seemed to shake them up a bit. They played some songs with 3 horns and they played a ska song that was totally off tempo. After the song, the singer said, “Maybe we should have practiced that one a little more”. Me and a few others yelled all kinds of shit after that. We played right after them and I stole a box of picks that the bass player had left on stage.

Whippersnapper was very tight and awesome. Hilger and Rob both bought the CD and they could easily be a Lagwagon or Strung Out only cooler and without the lame following. They deserve to be rich and famous.

I taunted the crowd plenty and got real crazy. More than a few people asked why I was such a dick to the crowd and there is no answer. Because I can, I guess.

Show #27: Fireside Bowl, Chicago

The Fireside must not have paid their heat bill because it was freezing outside and inside on this day. To top it off I was very sick and light headed. I laid down for a while and tried to rest but I felt like shit. As soon as a started playing, I felt great and forgot. I was still kind of drunk off this sickness and at one point I closed my eyes and I kind of blacked out or something. My throat was killing me and I fell right into the drums. Rob just grabbed me and pushed me off. It was fun but I sure was glad to get home and chill.

Show #26: Off The Alley, Homewood

Like the previous show, no one was there although there were a few sound men and workers around, as well as some girlfriends. This place is really far — about as far as Rockford. It’s a juice bar which is cool because they had the obscure Snapple Hydros line. I bought a few and they were great. I nearly broke my neck and back at this show thrashing so hard. They made us wear bracelets to show that we were in the band which was ironic since no one showed up and we didn’t even need them. Me and Hilger wore ours for a while after that — a few months. The Perps were great and they gave us all CD’s and we gave them ours. Out back where we parked there were back doors to all the businesses next door. There was some kind of meeting going on next door and when it convened they stood out there and they did some kind of weird corporate inspirational chant/cheer. We all laughed and cheered them on and they loved it. As usual, Paul from the Perps was drinking vodka out of a Snapple bottle. He cracked the bottle and we tried to duct tape it but it didn’t work. I didn’t know there was vodka in there and when we realized the tape wasn’t holding, I kept telling him to just pound the whole thing cause it was leaking everywhere. I didn’t really understand why he was so concerned and why he couldn’t just pound the whole thing. He told me it was mixed with vodka and I felt pretty dumb.

 

Show #25: Uncle Snorkey’s, Berwyn

I’ve played many shows were there was almost no one there. We always joked about playing for just the sound man and how that was good enough. Well this was a 21+ and even the sound man disappeared soon after we started. It only made me get more crazy. This is a decent size club with a nice high stage and huge drum riser so it seemed that much more empty. We played “Lifestyles” and I rapped all of “Bling Bling” by B.G. out of nowhere. Hilger and Rob just went along with it. We jammed really hard then packed up and bailed. We had another show booked for the next week but we decided to ditch out the night before. I’ve played that club enough fucking times.

Show #24: Uncle Snorkey’s, Berwyn

We set this show up about 4 months in advance. We were set to play an all ages at 7 and a 21+ at 10, both sets with Cyribiss. A few other bands also played with us at the all ages show. We had a pretty good turnout, mostly thanks to a band called Five Point O. I didn’t see their set but I heard it was Korn like and pretty decent. We played last at the all ages and while Cyribiss was playing, me and Hilger were standing backstage. Tony had put like 5 cups of water for his band on the stage near him. This guy walks up (who I was later told was in 5.0) and asks if the water is mine. I told him that it wasn’t and it was the bands’. I intended this as a way of getting him not to drink it. Being the idiot that he was, he drinks from one cup anyways. I just stared him down and I wanted to kill him. He got my vibes and realized how pissed I was. I must have scared him since he started apologizing and shit. I kept ignoring him and just stared right into his eyes. I asked why I hated him and I said, “I hate everyone — including myself”. He said that I had attitude and that was good. He said that he respected me and he saw the pins on my sweater. He told me to hang on and runs out the back door. He came back and handed me a pin that said “Fucking Glenview Youth Onslaught Quartet”. He told me that this band was crazy and since I had ‘attitude’, I would dig them. I put the pin on my sweater and it’s still there.

For the 21+ show, not a single soul turned up. Two band members girlfriends were watching us and that’s it. I remember playing ‘Clean House’ which is a pretty sad type of song and its slow at the end. I saw Rich from Cyribiss making out with his girlfriend at that part and I knew that I had written the song properly. Polish Mike from Cyribiss played ‘Brown’ with us and Rob played “For Whom the Bell Tolls’ with Cyribiss with me and Rich singing it together. Joe even started playing bass and. The sound system there was terrible and since the drunk sound man Heath was passed out at the bar outside, we just cranked up all the faders on the shitty crosswired board and it was LOUD. It still sounded like shit and I remember Rich singing into both mics and the same time and just screaming. We started destroying the place — throwing chairs and breaking bottles and tossing all kinds of shit. Somehow Joe got a bloody nose and blood was pouring out. It was fucking great.

Show #23: Riverpalooza II, River Grove

Since the VFW hall where both Riverpalooza’s have been held is 2 blocks from Rob’s, I sat in his basement the entire time until we played. Half Stachon played and I heard that they could barely finish a song. I watched Cyribiss play after us and they rocked. They played all the hits — “Black Magic”, and plenty of Metallica along with their own insane original metal songs. I remember taking a huge shit before the show when I was at Rob’s and being nervous as usual. George’s rap group Tribal Warfare played and we wrote a pretty good song with him. I wrote some great rap lyrics and unfortunately forgot some of them. We got the crowd involved. Tribal Warfare’s set was a bit unrehearsed but still good. Here are the lyrics that I partially forgot.

Big G from R.G. thinking he’s notoriousRappin and flowin like he thinks he’s gloriousBut in reality he’s fuckin boring usLying and fibbin and tellin us stories and…

Keep playing hard you fuckin jokeLike a 72 Pinto your flow is straight brokeYou’re a chump in a slump – more talent in a junk dumpAnd once again I’m a fuck you up

Thinking you can bring the noiseBut you grab the mic without any poiseIn my sleep I could defend your battlinThe last verse got your cage rattlin

Clocking G’s and I’m getting richerThen I fuck your lady with 4 fingersI’ll be makin her sore behind closed doorsShe gets buck wild but still wants more

You can’t have victory you cant top meYour shit is silly its gonna flop seeThe people yellin when I tear it offYour just an employee and I’m the boss

No hope left you’re getting franticYou are static and I’m dynamicNaturally I got the talentI’ll hold your skull like I was Hamlet

Take that mic and set it the fuck downMe and you gonna go round and roundRoll up your sleeves and step outsideI’m a put a whippin to your backside

You can’t purchase skills at the fuckin storeCub Foods, Jewel, 7-11 or PharmorYour rhymes are gone but a bad taste lingersFuck with my set and you’re going to get injured

 

Show #22: That One Place, Rockford

This was a show that the Perps got us. We were pretty excited to play a show in a far away of a place as Rockford and it paid off. Hilger stole (borrowed) his company truck and it easily fit all the gear inside. We had a bit of trouble finding the place but we left really early and got there with plenty of time to spare. All we were told was that the ‘club’ was called ‘That One Place’. We were right nearby and we finally decided to ask someone for help. I walked up to a guy on the street with a huge Robert Smith haircut. Before I could even finish asking him my question, he replied that it was right down the block. He turned out to be James, the owner of the club. It was a very small storefront in a commercial district and there was a huge black nightclub next door. There were plenty of punk kids all around and since it was a Friday night, the club was open and there was a great mix of people. We saw some original graffiti on one wall outside –‘Korn is God’. We still joke about that one. The people at this place and in Rockford in general were so nice that I was a little scared. There was the doorman Russell who was a bit intimidating at first in an army fatigue jacket but he turned out to be real nice. The people out there were older but strangely very into role playing games like Dungeons and Dragons. At one point we were standing outside and a group of guys was walking down the sidewalk past us. One of their friends who had been left behind asked where they were going. Someone in the group yelled out, “To play RPG’s!”. It took a minute for me to figure it out but when I did I was really concerned. These people were weird. The Perps failed to mention that we were expected to bring mics and a PA and we did not. Luckily, they found something for us to sing out of. There was another guy named George who worked there and was one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. He was hugging me and tackling me and shit during the Perps set — who rocked of course. He was like an old friend and I had only known him for a couple of hours. I was a little hesitant and scared when we got there, but we soon felt right at home. The Perps closed with, “Rockstar” and everyone was on the 1 inch high stage yelling and getting crazy. Totally intense. One of the opening bands was called Absolute Zero. That’s a pretty cool name but this band was awful. The guitarist sang and they covered “Don’t Fear the Reaper”. They had a very obese (about 400 pounds) lead guitarist. His guitar was normal but looked like a toy against his huge body. Their drummer seemed like he maybe had played about 10 times before the show. When they started, we were outside the club, they started and someone commented to me that the band sucked but their bass player was very experienced and really good. He played a 5 string and used a pick and sometimes his hand. He was so bad it hurt. He didn’t seem to know the songs at all and sometimes would play an open string about 1 minute of a song. At one point he just stopped playing to drink from a can of pop. Very weird. After the show we were starving so we stopped at a Ground Round restaurant. There aren’t very many of these left; I didn’t think there were any at all until I saw this one. Of all the places in the world, I should have known I’d find one in Rockford. Our waiter was equally as nice as everyone else in Rockford and may have been gay. I’m not sure. To top it off, I exchanged information with James, Russell and George but have not heard from them since. My attempts to contact them all failed. Maybe it was just a dream. We gave out a lot of CD’s to the locals though and I wonder if they still listen to them.

Show #21: Fireside Bowl, Chicago

This was a very important show in that we met our good friends the Perps. They are a very fun band and very fun guys. They approached us straight up and gave us props and we gave them theres’ (much deserved). As always, Paul of this band was drinking vodka out of a Snapple bottle. He is so nice its not even funny. They later got us two very far away shows in Rockford and also in Homewood. Last Man Out played decent ska but it was pretty diluted punk ska and a lot of backpack wearing skanking kids showed up which generally makes me nauseated. The Thumbs from Baltimore were touring and played absolute noise not unlike Farm Team. I gave them total props.

 

Show #20: Party at The Long’s, River Grove

Another party: we were all heavily intoxicated. We got there long before anyone else, cleared our area, set up, sound checked and commenced to drink. Soon the crowd showed up and I became hysterical and soaked in sweat. The crowd was very receptive and at one point I moshed into some people, soaking myself and Leo Toal with a cup of beer. I have a great picture of us jamming and Jason Johnson hugging me and saying something into my ear. Not only do I not remember what he said to me, I don’t even remember that happening. We played on and off for a long time. Later there was some threat of cops but we all hid and turned off the lights and got very quiet. I also remember beating on a younger kid who kept talking during this ‘quiet time’. It was fun. We played the next morning before we packed up. At about 4 AM me and Hilger poured the huge basin holding the ice for the keg (and at this point many other foreign objects and substances) out the window 2 stories down. I said I wanted to help clean but I really just wanted to pour it out the window. It was very nasty and needed to be poured out, but also was fun.